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Heart throbing convienunce - l'm in my dark place....

About Heart throbing convienunce

Previous Entry Heart throbing convienunce Feb. 12th, 2005 @ 09:31 pm Next Entry

Well it's been along time since we've talked and I have ton's to sy. A couple days ago well a week to be exact I got a new boyfriend. His name was Ryan Thompsan. He's was so hott and we were so cute together. I know it almost sounds to perfect to be true. Well I guess it was because we've broken up a week after he asked me out. When we were together all he talked about was himself. I'd tell him, like a dumbass, that he was hott. He would say damn right I'm hott. I didn't get butterflies when we kissed. The only time I got to see him was in lunch and he usually didn't come sit with me. I don't think he gave me the respect I deserve. So I don't think he deserves me. So friday we had made plans to go to the movies and go out to dinner with Jessie and this guy she likes named Kory. Well Kory couldn't go so Robin and Alex went. Now don't get me wrong I love them to death but when me and Ryan were around them I know he wanted to do the things they were doing. So did I just not yet I would have liked to do that stuff to just way later. Because Alex would touch Robin in places that I did not want to be touch by Ryan. They would french kiss and stuff and I wasn't ready for all that. First of all I needed to gain his trust and get used to being with him. He was my first boyfriend and I had no idea what to do so when he did something I thought it was ok. No he didn't pressure into having sex or anything he just wanted to rush into making out and stuff. I wanted to also but not yet. When we were around Alex and Robin I felt so young and inexperienced. they made me feel like I was just a little kid. Which compared to them I am. So this friday we had plans that we had planned Sunday this is last week like yesterday. So friday he didn't come sit with me at lunch and I had a note to give him with the times he needed to be at my house and when we were seeing the movie and dinner and stuff. Well since I didn't see him in lunch I passed him in the hall after school. I gave him the note and said to call me. He said ok and said where are you going I said my locker. So he went to his locker and usually he waits for me at his locker and we walk down stairs together. Well he didn't wait he rushed to his locker and then saw me coming and ran down the stairs with out waiting for me. So when I got home at 5:00 he hadn't called yet. So I waited til 5:30 and called him. He answered and I said ok you can come over now because in the note I told him to be at my house at 5:30 he goes "now?" I was like yeah he goes well I have to baby sit tonight I was like so I guess this means our plans are canceled he goes Oh we had plans oh yeah were gonna go to the movies or something? and I was like yeah so he goes yeah I have to baby sit but it's cool though because the kid's already into cars. I'm like ok well I have to go he's like oh you do and I'm like yeah we're about to leave so bye and I hung up on him. Then I cried for a while. Then jessie and Rachael came over and Alex he was the first person I told and he goes you're kidding me I said no and almost burst into tears. so we went to his house Robin said somethings to him I'm not sure but I told him it was over. I know he was lying about some stuff so he just a loser who is really into himself. And I'm not apologizing for any thing even though I feel kinda bad for him and I don't want to say it but I feel kinda like regreting what I did because this is the worst Valintines Day ever I know he's gonna aplogize but I won't except He is a gay Faggot he can go FUCK himself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Current Music: you make me completely miserable..
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