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l'm in my dark place....

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we're just liars but we're the best Aug. 12th, 2005 @ 10:57 pm
Well the first week of school went ok for anyone who cares. I got a my space I don't know what my link is yet cause I forgot but I'll get that to you soon. Speaking of my myspace, my gay parents decide that the picture I have on there is slutty. So they make me take it off. How fuckin gay is that god I can't stand them. It took me an hour to create then I have to just delete it. Well I'm gonna go make more pics cuz they is awesome! HOLLA!
Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
Current Music: Cool- Gwen Stefani

hmm.... Aug. 4th, 2005 @ 02:47 pm
I can't wait till school starts. It starts in 3 days. Thats for me though some of you don't start for a while cuz your in college! My birthday is this month it's like in 24 days. Jessie has the nerve to say, behind my back ofcourse, that she's prettier than me. And she calls me fat. WTF? Just because she's amesiated looking she thinks the rest of us have to look like her. Well I've got news for her if she thinks guys like it when your stick thin, then she's got another thing coming to her. Guys just as well as girls like something to hold onto. I know I do. I'm not fat and no one ever better tell me that I am. Ugh I can't stand her or Ryan. I saw them at the mall together and they were all over each other. And then they're going to sit there and tell me that they don't like each other. I'm not stupid. He said I'm not with her I have a gf. I said well that didn't seem to matter when you had me as a gf because you still kissed her. Yeah that still bugs me that they kissed on the 4th of July. Hey that was month ago today. Me and Rachael scanned their yearbook pictures and switched their hair. So that they had each others hair. We put a ciggarett in Jessie's mouth since everyone thinks she's so perfect and she would never do anything bad. They looked really funny we printed them out and underneath each of their pictures we gave them a name. For Ryan we called him a Gothic wigger fuh-reak, and for Jessie we called her trailer trash! Then we said "Aww a perfect match" I want to mail them each a picture. It's kinda immature but I don't care I can't stand either one of them. He finally admited for the both of them that they had feelings for each other. Oh well nothing else to say.

Current Mood: draineddrained
Current Music: Fall out boy

Scars leave a nightmare of a memory Jul. 18th, 2005 @ 11:22 am
My crazly awesome friend Rachael is over and we had lots of fun at the beach yesterday. At Sonny's my weirdo dad takes a moist towellet and wipes her face off. OMG! My mom called Jessie last night and told her not to call over here ne more and not to make contact w/ me. I don't feel ne shame I won't apologize. She needs to stop thinking about herself and realize how much hurt she is bringing on other people. Her and Ryan both need to just stop living in lies and come out and let their feelings be known for each other. They need to quit living in lies. She's a fuckin' bitch. He's a fuckin' two faced jerk. I can't believe they made me look like a fool. I found out Saturday night that her and Ryan kissed. Yeah it wasn't after I broke up w/ him it was on the 4th of July. Cuz me and my parents went to see fireworks at at Jessie's mom's friends house ofcourse they were w/ us. But her and Ryan were waiting in the drive way so we would know which house it was and they kissed right b4 we pulled up. Well if I keep talking about this I'll cry. So I gotta skiddadle me and Rachael are planning a girls night in!
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Current Music: My Chemical Romance- I'm not Okay

Jul. 15th, 2005 @ 08:56 pm
I had fun last night w/ Lindsay. No not Lindsey Treadway. A different one, it was a friend that I hadn't seen since the last of school. She spent the night and we had fun. When my parents went to bed we broke into the liquor cabinet and got drunk. It was fun! Then she left at like 2:00pm today and I went to the mall w/ Rachael. She bought some clothes and I got some lunch. We always have fun together.
Ugh, Jessie is supposed to spend the night 2morrow night. Then me and Rachael are going to the beach! Robin comes home in like 2hrs. Yeah! I missed her so much. Jessie does nothing but talk about Cory and damn I'm plan sick of it she spent all day yesterday w/ him and Ryan and this other chic. And she spent all day today w/ the same people she just gets on my f'ing nerves. She's spending the night b/c her parents r going to sum party and won't get home till late and they don't want her by herself that late. Gosh
love me
Current Mood: okayokay

UGH! Jul. 13th, 2005 @ 05:15 pm
I am very bored. All I've done is cleaned the stupid house today. I miss Robin! She's not coming back till friday. I have to spend the day w/ Jessie 2morrow. It's her mom's birthday we're going to the Cheesecake factory! I know in my last few entries I've talked about Ryan but I have no one to talk to about him and I miss him so much. I got to talk to him on the phone last night and I finally got some feelings out that I've been meaning to get out in a long time. We talked for about 30 min. When I talk to Jessie she just says stuff about herself all the time sorry but for once I'd like to talk about myself. I'm not usally the one to express my feelings in words but when I'm upset about some things she finds some way to relate everything to herself. Like friday when I called her to tell her that Ryan broke up w/ me she goes well now you know how I felt when Cory did it to me. OMG! She always talks about Cory. Like I know I talk about Ryan alot but she's always talking about Cory. She needs to get a clue he doesn't like her. Gosh she annoys me. On happier note I talked to an old friend last night and we're gonna do something on Friday. I haven't talked to her or seen her since the last day of school. Yeah! C ya l8er 25 days till school starts for those of us in high school still!
Current Mood: blahblah
Current Music: My Chemical Romance- I'm not Okay
Other entries
» party til it hurts

I had so much fun w/ Rachael today. It's been a long time since me and her did something. I got so caught up in having a boyfriend that I didn't think it was much fun when I wasn't w/ a gurl. I am so over Ryan we're still good friends we just don't make-out ne more Damn it! Have you ever called like male escort services it's fun you should try it. Or calling 1-800 numbers.



» drowning in a pool of never ending tears

   Well I know I just wrote in here a couple days ago that I was so happy that me and Ryan were back together but we've broken up already. It makes sad every time I stop and think about it. I know I'm only 14 [soon 2 b 15] but I honestly think I loved him. The worse part about it is that he broke up w/ me on our month "aniversary" he asked me out on June 8th and then broke up w/ me on July 8th. He didn't just say I want to break up w/ u he said let's take a break because he has feelings for some other people and he doesn't think that's fair to me. Which it isn't but I miss him so much. Ok I'll stop talking about him.

   I really miss the old Robin. She just isn't the same anymore. I really believe in my heart that Alex is the one. I think god has blessed her w/ him. Ofcourse they are gonna have some hard times but that's just life. I'll admit that I was very jealous at first and I'm still very jealous but I love to see her happy and I hope that the rest of you like to see her happy to. I wish the best and only the best for her and Alex, she deserves it!

           I LOVE YOU TWO!

Love, Amber     

» floating on a cloud of dreams

Well it's been along time since I've written. The last time I wrote in this I was breaking up with Ryan. WOW it's really been along time cuz me and him are back together! Yeah your probably saying he is such a loser Amber wth are you thinking. But I seriously think I'm in love. Like I don't just like him I love him. He told me that he loved me so I told him that I loved him. This friday is a big day it's my mom's birthday, Robin will have been 18 for a week, and me and Ryan will have been going out for a whole month! I don't want to jinx it but if me and him are still together by April then I'll be going to prom! I'm only in 10th grade and I'm 15 so I'll have a curfew like 11:00 or 12:00. Jessie is still getting on my nerves she calls and talks to him all the time and invites him over telling him that I'm supposed to be there. Like she invites me over to but most of the time I'm not sure I'll be able to come over and he comes over any way. Just cuz her loser boyfriend decided to come out of the closet while going out with her she wants to steal mine. She needs to back the fuck off! W/e! My gay mom tells Robin that she's trying to keep me busy so that I won't have time for Ryan. God damn it. It's like she doesn't want her kids to be happy or something cuz she made Robin read her horescope for July and it said that she was going to have a break up this month WTF!? well that's about it ttyl!                                                      

                                                                                                  love AmBeR!

» Heart throbing convienunce

Well it's been along time since we've talked and I have ton's to sy. A couple days ago well a week to be exact I got a new boyfriend. His name was Ryan Thompsan. He's was so hott and we were so cute together. I know it almost sounds to perfect to be true. Well I guess it was because we've broken up a week after he asked me out. When we were together all he talked about was himself. I'd tell him, like a dumbass, that he was hott. He would say damn right I'm hott. I didn't get butterflies when we kissed. The only time I got to see him was in lunch and he usually didn't come sit with me. I don't think he gave me the respect I deserve. So I don't think he deserves me. So friday we had made plans to go to the movies and go out to dinner with Jessie and this guy she likes named Kory. Well Kory couldn't go so Robin and Alex went. Now don't get me wrong I love them to death but when me and Ryan were around them I know he wanted to do the things they were doing. So did I just not yet I would have liked to do that stuff to just way later. Because Alex would touch Robin in places that I did not want to be touch by Ryan. They would french kiss and stuff and I wasn't ready for all that. First of all I needed to gain his trust and get used to being with him. He was my first boyfriend and I had no idea what to do so when he did something I thought it was ok. No he didn't pressure into having sex or anything he just wanted to rush into making out and stuff. I wanted to also but not yet. When we were around Alex and Robin I felt so young and inexperienced. they made me feel like I was just a little kid. Which compared to them I am. So this friday we had plans that we had planned Sunday this is last week like yesterday. So friday he didn't come sit with me at lunch and I had a note to give him with the times he needed to be at my house and when we were seeing the movie and dinner and stuff. Well since I didn't see him in lunch I passed him in the hall after school. I gave him the note and said to call me. He said ok and said where are you going I said my locker. So he went to his locker and usually he waits for me at his locker and we walk down stairs together. Well he didn't wait he rushed to his locker and then saw me coming and ran down the stairs with out waiting for me. So when I got home at 5:00 he hadn't called yet. So I waited til 5:30 and called him. He answered and I said ok you can come over now because in the note I told him to be at my house at 5:30 he goes "now?" I was like yeah he goes well I have to baby sit tonight I was like so I guess this means our plans are canceled he goes Oh we had plans oh yeah were gonna go to the movies or something? and I was like yeah so he goes yeah I have to baby sit but it's cool though because the kid's already into cars. I'm like ok well I have to go he's like oh you do and I'm like yeah we're about to leave so bye and I hung up on him. Then I cried for a while. Then jessie and Rachael came over and Alex he was the first person I told and he goes you're kidding me I said no and almost burst into tears. so we went to his house Robin said somethings to him I'm not sure but I told him it was over. I know he was lying about some stuff so he just a loser who is really into himself. And I'm not apologizing for any thing even though I feel kinda bad for him and I don't want to say it but I feel kinda like regreting what I did because this is the worst Valintines Day ever I know he's gonna aplogize but I won't except He is a gay Faggot he can go FUCK himself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

» a leaf falls w/ each day passing

Well I'm finally writing in my journal again. A lot has happened since whenever I last wrote. Well I ran for president and I lost of course. I started cake decorating classes actually I start course 2 next Tuesday.I finally told "mute" what was bugging me about her. I just told her that we shouldn't spend so much time together, and when my mom found out about it she blew up at me. Ok "mute" goes home and tells her mom that "Amber hates me and she won;t let me ride to school with her ne more" and I never said ne of that, adn she never told me what was bugging her about the whole situation! So her mom calls me and is crying because she thinks I hate her daughter which I don't, so I start crying. then when my mom found out about it she makes me go over there and apologize to her. You know no one cares about Amber we all have to make "mute" happy. By going out of our way to please her. I mean my mom is acting like I killed her or something. So she's making me be friends w/ her even though I'll still be friends w/ he doesn't mean I have to do everything w/ her. Oh and another thing is I asked this guy to homecoming and he said yes if he goes. and then the other day my friend was asking everybody if they were going and when she got to him he said "Shit no I ain't going " well gotta go my mom's being a big ass bitch!

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